Weight: Is it just a number?

Saturday, November 15, 2014

I've been debating about whether or not I would write this post essentially since I found out I was pregnant. I knew this day was coming, and I knew it would be one I might struggle with a bit. And now it's here. 

Today, I saw a number on the scale that I've never seen on the scale before. 

And that makes me feel so many things. It means our baby is growing bigger every day, and that makes me incredibly happy. It means I haven't deprived myself of treats during my pregnancy (what, you didn't have a McFlurry while driving home from work late last night?!). And it also means that there was a time when I weighed this much when I WASN'T 27 weeks pregnant. 

Roughly five years ago, I went through what I commonly like to think of as the dark days of yuck. After a particularly horrendous breakup, I was just so, so sad. And I fed that sadness with a lot of crud. A lot of crud covered in peanut butter. That crud caused me to gain ten pounds in one month... and then caused me to double that number over the next few months. I had very disordered eating at the time, and I really struggled to get a handle on it. Perhaps this wouldn't have been so depressing if I hadn't been teaching Jazzercise five days a week. But I was, and I was burning mad calories, which meant I was eating mad calories too. 

It took me a solid six or so months to come out of the dark days of yuck, but eventually the crud dissipated and the sunniness returned and things felt good and normal again. The weight came off and I felt like me. My old wardrobe fit too, which was an added bonus! 

So when I found out I was pregnant, I asked myself how I was going to feel when I surpassed the highest weight I'd ever been. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about it. 

And today when I saw it, it wasn't so bad. It wasn't bad at all, actually. Because I know this means that Baby P is healthy and thriving and hopefully happy with the treats I'm providing. And at least this time around, I've gained weight for a really incredible reason. :) That doesn't mean there aren't days when it's tough to see my body changing or days where I wonder if I'll be able to get this weight off after our baby is here, but it's a pretty awesome feeling to be happy with weight gain. 

I was able to go to breakfast this morning with my best friend Teresa and our husbands. This morning's breakfast was even more special because it's probably the last time I'll see them without children! Their twins are due on Christmas Day, but could potentially arrive any time now, which is extra exciting! We took a quick picture to document the moment, and it might be my favorite pregnancy picture so far! 

Teresa (left) pregnant with twins at 34 weeks, Me (right) pregnant with a singleton at 27 weeks!


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